I WONDER EVERY DAY & I ALSO WONDERED TODAY BECAUSE IT'S MY FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY…

Once my father said me; I used to wonder on everything since I started to recognise colours. He also told me that sometimes I wondered on things that didn’t have any logic at all. Whatever, it’s me and it makes me ‘Som’. At least, I believe on such ideas of making sense wondering over things. However, such insisting statements may describe me here as an idealistic person or a sarcastic character, and also tag me as a person influenced by monist views. But what can I do, it am natured and nurtured by such habits. I like to wonder and deem on things- no matter do they make any senses to others or not? I believe that senses are man’s made and man’s substantial discover of mind on perceptions where they wonder long rationally and make senses.

I still remember the day I was wondering on the aeroplane which flew right over roof of my house. I was only 5 years old that time and playing on muddy yard alone. My father was making a cradle aside of me for one of my relatives who had given a birth to the baby few days before. When I saw that aeroplane, I immediately asked to my father. What is that flying over our house, father? Of course, I knew, that was an aeroplane. But I wanted to ask and make sure other things related to aeroplane such as how does it fly? How do people get inside? How much does it cost to travel by plane? Who fly it? and so on and so on . I had several questions to ask with him. I had recently heard from my father about one of my friends parents (Magar and Magarni, we used to call them), they were flying to Kathmandu (capital city of Nepal) from Simara- only about 15 minutes long flight by aeroplane. But it was exclusively breaking news in my neighbourhood for that moment. Everybody was talking about that couple and their trip to Kathmandu in plane so I was with my friends. My father smiled at me and simply replied, an aeroplane son. I wasn’t wondering on aeroplane but I was thinking how do people get inside and how does it land as I said above. Gradually, I started to ask all the questions which made me wonder on and similarly my father tried to answer all of my questions. Probably, my father himself hadn’t seen aeroplane from nearby. But I respect his level of tolerance that he answered all questions peacefully without showing any irritation and hesitation. I salute his self confidence. And I still remember the answers given by my father how do people get inside aeroplane and how does it land? He said to me, we need a long and long bamboo ladder to get inside aeroplane, you turn that ladder towards sky and start to climb, and if you want them to land, you can just shout the word stop here and stop here. If they listen to your voice, they may land otherwise continue their journey. At that time, the answers given by him were the wisest one because he hadn’t had chance to see aeroplane from near and chance to fly on it was beyond his imagination. He also told me that if you don’t understand my answers now son, just wait and watch, you will understand it properly with your growth. I smiled back and nodded the answer without any further curiosities on it.

Likewise, if I saw or experienced something which is special to me, I would use to spend most of substantial part of my time thinking and deeming either answers or questions on that. I am accustomed by such habits of wondering on things since my childhood. I wondered on optimism and pessimism, good and bad, gain and loss, success and failure, love and hate, honesty and dishonesty, morality and immorality and so much on others connect me and my attention. And I have been always able to make senses out of it- my own senses and learn to rejoice and lament on those.

I have already mentioned one event above. I started to wonder since I was 5 years old. I might have wondered before also but honestly I don’t remember any of those events. Anyway what I mean here is that I wonder basically on all the events that occurred in my life. I wondered, when I got 10 rupees from my maternal uncle in one ceremony held in his house and other kids got only 5 rupees and I continued wondering, when I was loved by the teachers, when my brothers were jealous about my father’s moral and material support on me, when I passed SLC (school leaving certificates) in first division, when my brothers and sisters got married, when my brothers separated from parents with their wives, when I moved to the crowed capital city in search of my fortune to be a big man, when my brother in law and my own sister attacked on me. Not only those moments, I also wondered, when I got job and when I didn’t, when I resigned, when I failed in college, when I was hired as a partner in one company without any monetary investment, when I was accepted as brother by my owner and rejected in some matters, when I was respected by my owner or partner and when I was dominated badly, when I felt humiliations, when I had sex (I mean when I hired sex, when I seduced sex and when I convinced sex), When I dated a girl, when I loved a girl and broke the love, when my sisters died in young ages, when my mother died sudden diagnosis of cancer and father didn’t have chance to talk with me and non of his kids before he died, when I moved to Finland, found a girl , married her and got a beautiful princess as my daughter within a year of my marriage. All, which I wondered on, wondered for some reasons. Some of them I accepted and some of them I rejected. Some had significant reasons, some had less significant reasons and some had no reasons at all. I rejoiced on some answers, I was sternly silent and neutral on some and I was devastatingly broken on some of those answers.

But life continues its endless journey. I travelled out from Nepal, cross the Pacific Ocean and fall into a magnum- a magnum of love. That moment also I was wondering how it is possible to have white woman as my lover. I was wondering on it but shortly I engaged with her and got married. Now I have a baby girl who has her mother’s lips and nose and my forehead, legs, eyes. I have also wondered on such appearance of my baby girl and made the senses about why it is so on her, which are very significant to me and to my wife as well.

I wondered today also. I looked at my wife and baby girl, and took a long breath. I started to wonder and smile since last night about today. I thought a moment my life is neither a fuss nor a slush anymore like before. It has concrete reasons and it is clear like crystal. Life is completely justifiable. I didn’t sleep until 12 at midnight because after midnight another day starts. That another day is today. And today is the first wedding anniversary of our. I am very happy. At the same time, wondering- ah! It’s been already one year of our wedding. I am very happy today- Probably a happiest man in the world. I don’t want to round up my happiness within the words but can’t also stop explaining those today’s moments in words.

I woke up about 12 at noon today because I hadn’t slept well last night because of my baby girl who always starves in hunger in every two hours. So my wife should wake up for breast feeding and simply I couldn’t sleep during that time. So I also woke up and asked , have she bought my gift or not? But she just smiled and said nothing about gift. You know what I am the probably unique husband in the world who asks gift of his own choice with his wife not only that reminds her to buy since a month ago because he knew that his wife is going for delivery. So it is wise to have it before hand. Because I am very fond of getting gifts from others and fond of giving gifts. I like gift sharing. Side by side, I am very strict about gift, if I supposed to get gift from someone, I desperately wait for that. If I don’t get it on time, It will hurt me and will be a great disaster. I still remember one significant event, once my brother promised me to buy a pair of sandal, the promised day was Saturday, and unfortunately he forgot to buy on that day. After knowing that, I cried for many hours and decided to ask the part of my property to buy a damn pair of sandal with my father. Not only, I decided, I asked it. The time I did such stupid attempt, I was only 8 years old. Then after, I became a comical character for my family. They started to laugh at me and I was dying with shame- Such a hilarious moments it was. I have tens of such stories about gifts. So you may understand why I reminded my wife since a month ago to get my gift. In case of gift, I may still turn into a kid. Finally, I got a very beautiful watch of my choice as gift from my lovely wife. You know what she had bought it already a month ago but kept it as a great secret. I didn’t know about it. It is really beautiful.

I also gifted what my wife likes today- ‘Some expensive kitchen appliances’. I don’t know how to use that. Not only that I had never seen it in my life before. Anyway, now it is at home. I will learn to use it. We went to the shop and bought it together. After around 2 pm, my wife started to bake a anniversary cake and I took care of baby girl. We shared our gift about 4 pm with coffee, cake and candle light in presence of our 11 days older daughter. It was such a precious time for me. We had also agreed while ago to have our dinner tonight somewhere out in a good restaurant. Therefore, we went to Martina, a Finnish restaurant in Järvenpää and had delicious food with delightful evening with my lovely wife and daughter. I wish to have such happiness whole life.

I did so many things today and I knew also- why? But I still wonder and making the best senses out of it. Actually I got some- A small and beautiful family.

Don’t afraid to wonder. Please do wonder on things and try to enjoy the moments, then you have the real and meaningful life………..