Posted on : Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Last night ended up with nightmares and beautiful dreams. Actually I completely forgot about nightmares and remembered only beautiful dreams. Dreams to be a proud father, dreams to be a good husband and dreams to have more beautiful dreams. And I saw the same dream yesterday where my wife mentioned me that she has pain in her stomach and may be soon labour will start. But I thought as I said above-It was only my dream. She repeated the same once again and I compelled to open my eyes. Actually, it wasn’t only a beautiful dream. She was already in pain but hadn’t had the severe one. Anyway, time to accomplish my dream to be a proud father and dream to be a good husband and dream to have more dreams was coming nearer. I slept but I didn’t get the sound one. My heart was corresponding with amazing thrills, excitements whole night. I had never had such impulses of something. In fact in my case, I earned hell of lots of money in my life; I get wealth of heaven and heaven on the earth, countless successes in my past years, nothing felt so special. I had never had such thrills and excitements on it. I was just happy and rejoicing it. I wandered rapidly and thoughtlessly on it.
But the situation which I had yesterday and have now is something very natural, normal, real and universal. I shouldn’t wonder so much for what happened today. Simply, when you get married, when you have sex or when you have woman, it is possible without any hindrances and obstacles. Instead, I should rather feel proud for what I earn and what I gain in the previous years. But it really didn’t keep any importance at all in my life. The money I earned and the things I get and gain, people can’t simply accustomed with. It needs lots of energy, it is time consuming and it has multiple risks. It can be the only day dream for someone’s whole life. You might sell you heart to fulfil such stupid and uncertain zeal. You might kill someone or to be killed by someone just to rejoice its essences.
However those achievements are in shade in front of what I got normally and naturally today. I am rather wondering for what I got today. Actually I got a little princess. My heart changed its role quickly which is non other than the pure heart of a father, who is compassionate only to hold her in his arms. I have forgotten the rest of the world. I have stopped thinking about food. I have the feeling of strange affinity and resemblance of mine with changed role. And I remembered my father. My father was my amnesty. But I never tried to understand him. Rather, I used to think - why he is so, is he stupid? Why can’t he slap me once for my stupidity and control my insisting nature? I, myself, used to wonder for what my brothers did to their kids. Today I understood it. But he is not alive to see this. There was nothing wrong with them. They were fathers, just fathers. They were emotionally bounded. I also became a father today. I also started to realize the role automatically. I felt - I have become a monist. My successes are trivial in front of a father. God is compelled to congratulate me and my emotional deed today. I have got the greatest enchantments.
We reached hospital at one o’clock in the afternoon. I was bit nervous and bit restless. I was thinking how the situation will be alike because I had decided to be the part of this process. I had decided to be together with my wife during delivery. We were warmly welcomed by the hospital staff. We reached to the labour room which was well equipped. Perhaps everywhere they are same. I had never seen such labour room before. In fact, I had bit awkward feeling even though I was together with my wife. If I had to ask something, I was whispering to my wife. I didn’t have the courage to speak louder. I decided to take part in delivery but I hadn’t left my identity behind. I was still thinking like a Nepali man who thinks being in a labour room with wife is matter of shame. How selfish are those men who think so. How cruel are those who reject to participate in such situation and how cunning are those who like to have only sex in closed room and feel ashamed to accept and help pregnant wife. I tried to avoid such natures of mine and participated normally. I don’t blame only those men who think so. Women are the one who prevent men to participate in labour. Women think that participating in delivery is not men’s job which I say here cultural traits. They aren’t welcomed in labour room. If a man happens to tilt from the door inside, women who are helping for delivery may get angry or start to laugh at him. Probably I had also the same feelings in the beginning, but no one prevent me to participate and no one laugh at me, rather they were very happy seeing me there.
It took six long hours and my little daughter born healthy at 6 pm in the evening. It was wonderful experience. I request all men to participate in such precious occasion in life. Only the lucky one will have such opportunities. So I request all to be ready for that. I saw her coming out. In the beginning, it was amusing to think about birth but when the real time came, it turned more toward emotional phase. I saw part of her head. My heart started to boil inside. I felt heavier and heavier. I felt that I would cry soon. I tried to control but my heart was full of tears- The tears of happiness. I felt miracle when I saw my daughter in real for the first time. My sensations increased and hear beats were rapid. I was trying not to cry. But lucky me, my eyes were full of tears when I hold my daughter for the first time. I thought and order my heart, its enough, avoid everything and let me cry. I must cry. Immediately after such correspondence with my heart, I burst into tears. I cried until it stops itself.
I only say you all that my first interaction with my little princes was amazing and worldly.
But the situation which I had yesterday and have now is something very natural, normal, real and universal. I shouldn’t wonder so much for what happened today. Simply, when you get married, when you have sex or when you have woman, it is possible without any hindrances and obstacles. Instead, I should rather feel proud for what I earn and what I gain in the previous years. But it really didn’t keep any importance at all in my life. The money I earned and the things I get and gain, people can’t simply accustomed with. It needs lots of energy, it is time consuming and it has multiple risks. It can be the only day dream for someone’s whole life. You might sell you heart to fulfil such stupid and uncertain zeal. You might kill someone or to be killed by someone just to rejoice its essences.
However those achievements are in shade in front of what I got normally and naturally today. I am rather wondering for what I got today. Actually I got a little princess. My heart changed its role quickly which is non other than the pure heart of a father, who is compassionate only to hold her in his arms. I have forgotten the rest of the world. I have stopped thinking about food. I have the feeling of strange affinity and resemblance of mine with changed role. And I remembered my father. My father was my amnesty. But I never tried to understand him. Rather, I used to think - why he is so, is he stupid? Why can’t he slap me once for my stupidity and control my insisting nature? I, myself, used to wonder for what my brothers did to their kids. Today I understood it. But he is not alive to see this. There was nothing wrong with them. They were fathers, just fathers. They were emotionally bounded. I also became a father today. I also started to realize the role automatically. I felt - I have become a monist. My successes are trivial in front of a father. God is compelled to congratulate me and my emotional deed today. I have got the greatest enchantments.
We reached hospital at one o’clock in the afternoon. I was bit nervous and bit restless. I was thinking how the situation will be alike because I had decided to be the part of this process. I had decided to be together with my wife during delivery. We were warmly welcomed by the hospital staff. We reached to the labour room which was well equipped. Perhaps everywhere they are same. I had never seen such labour room before. In fact, I had bit awkward feeling even though I was together with my wife. If I had to ask something, I was whispering to my wife. I didn’t have the courage to speak louder. I decided to take part in delivery but I hadn’t left my identity behind. I was still thinking like a Nepali man who thinks being in a labour room with wife is matter of shame. How selfish are those men who think so. How cruel are those who reject to participate in such situation and how cunning are those who like to have only sex in closed room and feel ashamed to accept and help pregnant wife. I tried to avoid such natures of mine and participated normally. I don’t blame only those men who think so. Women are the one who prevent men to participate in labour. Women think that participating in delivery is not men’s job which I say here cultural traits. They aren’t welcomed in labour room. If a man happens to tilt from the door inside, women who are helping for delivery may get angry or start to laugh at him. Probably I had also the same feelings in the beginning, but no one prevent me to participate and no one laugh at me, rather they were very happy seeing me there.
It took six long hours and my little daughter born healthy at 6 pm in the evening. It was wonderful experience. I request all men to participate in such precious occasion in life. Only the lucky one will have such opportunities. So I request all to be ready for that. I saw her coming out. In the beginning, it was amusing to think about birth but when the real time came, it turned more toward emotional phase. I saw part of her head. My heart started to boil inside. I felt heavier and heavier. I felt that I would cry soon. I tried to control but my heart was full of tears- The tears of happiness. I felt miracle when I saw my daughter in real for the first time. My sensations increased and hear beats were rapid. I was trying not to cry. But lucky me, my eyes were full of tears when I hold my daughter for the first time. I thought and order my heart, its enough, avoid everything and let me cry. I must cry. Immediately after such correspondence with my heart, I burst into tears. I cried until it stops itself.
I only say you all that my first interaction with my little princes was amazing and worldly.
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